Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm too high and old for this...
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