Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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