Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
