Don't make out with my wife yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
