This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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