I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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