T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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