I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
