Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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