i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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