This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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