there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
