she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
