my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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