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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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