things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
