Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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