I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
