There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
