Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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