I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
