what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i think i just lost a toe
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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