So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
