I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
