I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i think my cat just said my name.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
