i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there is glitter all over my balls
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