It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.