How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
