i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I FOUND THE LEGS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit