the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.