Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.