I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday