You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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