She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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