Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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