A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
