Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
