Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
