i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
