please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
