Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
