i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize