filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
