In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
