Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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