how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
