I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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