i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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