yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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