Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
