im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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