dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need moral support for this bender
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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