yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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