i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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