her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
