My friends, they love my intelligence
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
