I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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