Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
