Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
