Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
