Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
