wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Randomize
