I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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