How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
