He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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