Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
