I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
